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Tech-savvy Divorce Planning

Rachel Wayne

Technology has certainly made divorce easier in many ways. You can meet with your Texas divorce attorney over Zoom. You have multiple ways to communicate with your soon-to-be-ex (for better or worse). And of course, you can scour the Web for helpful articles like this one.

Ever the double-edged sword, technology has also complicated many aspects of divorce. Every convenient feature could open a door to spousal spying or fodder for custody battles.

Digital hygiene is crucial to protecting your peace and getting a divorce the way you want. Here’s how you can both leverage technology and minimize its risks while planning your divorce.

Practice digital hygiene for your divorce

You and your spouse’s lives were entwined, and that includes your tech. You may have shared everything from passwords to Netflix and Amazon accounts. Even if you’re separating amicably, now’s a good time to clean up your technology. It helps you forge your path ahead and keep your peace of mind. Also, if the situation sours, you won’t have to worry about your ex accessing your sensitive information.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a “tech-savvy” person to be savvy in your divorce. Follow this checklist:

Change your passwords — all of them.

Prioritize changing any passwords to your separate accounts that you’ve shared with your soon-to-be ex. Some common passwords could be:

After you change your login credentials, store them in a secure password manager. Writing them down on a notepad isn’t secure, especially if your soon-to-be-ex or their relatives are the snooping type.

If you share accounts with your spouse, then you should speak with an attorney about whether you can change the passwords without violating the law.

Set up multi-factor authentication (MFA).

Most financial accounts require MFA, but many other digital services offer it as well. This forces you to confirm you’re logging in by using another “factor” (i.e. device) to validate your credentials. You may also see this described as two-factor authentication (2FA). The most common method is to enter a code that’s texted to you after you’ve put in your passwords. This way, even if someone has your password and tries to log in from their computer, they can’t get in if they don’t have your phone.

As a general rule, if you’re offered MFA or 2FA, use them! They can help protect your email, bank accounts, private notes, and more. Already have MFA set up? Check your settings to ensure only your personal devices are enrolled. You’ll typically find this under “Privacy” in whatever app you’re using.

Separate your shared accounts.

Cloud-based accounts (GSuite, Dropbox, iCloud, etc.)

Perhaps you shared a Google account or used an iCloud family plan. Now’s the time to make your own and revoke access if necessary. If you need joint access to certain information (e.g. your kids’ activity calendar), share only that file.

Cell service accounts

Many couples get on a family plan to save money on their mobile phone service. While you may feel locked into a contract, some providers offer incentives to switch that can offset the cost. You can also look into no-contract cell plans, which now have better coverage and features than they did in the past. Either way, “breaking up” your cell plan can prevent your ex from accessing your phone records or disrupting your service.

If you need help from your spouse to switch, talk to them and try to get cooperation. If they refuse or delay, then speak with an attorney about your options, including a court order.

Streaming accounts

Similar to cell providers, most couples share their Netflix, Disney+, Spotify, etc. Even if you’re separating amicably, it’s best to split these up. (Especially since Netflix no longer allows accounts to be shared across households.) This way, you won’t get charged if your ex decides to go ad-free, and you won’t see their watch history or recommendations — which might help protect your peace. Plus, as we discuss below, you’ll want to remove your credit/debit card details from as many shared locations as possible.

Reinstate digital privacy

We covered some privacy basics for your banking accounts, email, and social media above. In general, keeping your accounts on your devices, requiring multi-factor authentication, and changing passwords are the bare minimum for digital privacy.

Now let’s get a bit more proactive. Privacy needs more than defensive measures, especially if you’re dealing with a nosy or abusive ex-spouse.

Log out of tracking apps (Find My on iOS, Life360, etc).

Services such as Life360, meant to help family members locate each other, sound helpful. They allow real-time location sharing and can send alerts when one person experiences a car accident. But their benefits may become risks when a relationship ruptures. Because these apps often don’t notify you unless something is amiss, you may forget you ever set it up.

You certainly don’t want your soon-to-be ex to know your whereabouts, especially if the relationship ended badly. Cancel your subscription to these apps and turn off location sharing. (NOTE: Instagram recently rolled out a map feature that highlights places you’ve posted from. You can control how your content appears on this map.) If you want to continue tracking your kids without your spouse tracking you, consider opening a new account of your own.

Back up important files on a secure drive.

You can use a password-protected cloud drive (e.g. Google Drive, Proton Drive) or an external hard drive (or both). Place all critical documents, photos, personal notes, etc. on this drive. This is especially helpful for any files that pertain to your divorce proceedings, custody hearings, and settlement goals:

Consult with your divorce attorney to see how you can securely share important files with them. At Alexandra Geczi Family Law, we take a proactive, privacy-minded approach to your divorce case — one that keeps you in control. Learn more about our divorce services.

Put up safeguards against spousal spying

Something about the digital realm seems to make folks a little fuzzy on their morals. Ex-partners may abhor obvious stalking, such as reading one’s diary or showing up outside their window, but think it’s no big deal to monitor their emails or calls. Unfortunately, smartphone technology makes it easier for disgruntled exes to keep tabs on you. Here’s how you can protect yourself.

Log your accounts out of devices that aren’t yours.

Are you logged into your email, social media, or any other accounts on your ex-partner’s device? Now’s the time to remedy that. Continuing to have access to an account that is not yours could violate state and federal laws. If you don’t have access to their device or can’t be around your ex, you can usually log other devices out of your accounts.

On Facebook and Instagram:

  1. Go to Settings & privacy.
  2. Go to Privacy Center.
  3. Tap “Review settings.”
  4. Under “Account details and security,” tap “manage in Accounts Center.”
  5. Select “Where you’re logged in.”
  6. Look for any devices (phones, laptops, etc.) that aren’t yours. If you see one, tap it, then scroll down to “Select devices to log out.”

Note: The changes you make in either Facebook or Instagram also help protect your Threads and WhatsApp accounts, as those are also Meta apps.

In any Google app:

  1. Tap your profile picture.
  2. Select “Data & privacy.”
  3. Tap the “Your devices” button.
  4. Look for any unfamiliar devices or programs. If you see one, tap it and follow the prompts to log out.

For other sorts of accounts, you can usually find helpful tutorials online for how to remove third-party devices. (Or ask a tech-savvy friend!)

Make your social media accounts private.

Ideally, you’ll minimize or cease your use of Facebook, Instagram, X, and so on — at least while you’re in the thick of your divorce. However, if you keep your socials, limit what you post and comment. Avoid saying negative things about your SBX or his family and avoid “party girl” pictures that could jeopardize custody.

It’s also a good idea to restrict your audience:

  1. Set the audience for your Facebook posts to “Friends.”
  2. Make your Instagram and X accounts private so you have to approve followers.
  3. Disable location sharing for Instagram’s new map feature.

Check for unauthorized access to bank accounts or any accounts with card details (e.g. Netflix, Amazon)

Your divorce settlement will guide how you divide shared assets such as savings and investments. Avoid pulling funds out of joint accounts or removing your soon-to-be ex from them until your legal team can assist.

However, that doesn’t mean your ex-partner needs access to your individual accounts. Assuming they’re not an account co-owner or authorized user, you can keep those to yourself. (Just be prepared to share financial statements if you’re negotiating a divorce settlement or preparing to divide community assets.)

Watch for any signs that someone may be logging into your account from another device. This includes unexpected 2FA attempts and login notification emails.

TIP: If you get a “There was a new login” email and you didn’t do it, follow the steps to block the login attempt, then change your password. Avoid clicking on any link in the email, though, as such notifications could also be spam!

Finally, be mindful of any streaming or shopping accounts where your credit/debit card details may be stored. Anyone logged into those accounts usually doesn’t need to re-enter the card number to make purchases. If you haven’t yet split your shared Amazon account, for example, make it a priority to remove your saved credit card.

Check for surveillance devices and apps.

Also called stalkerware, some apps monitor your activity and send it to another user. This may not be something installed on your phone. For example, you may receive a text message saying your delivery failed or that you must pay your bank or tax office. Never click on any links in these messages.

Signs your phone may have stalkerware include:

This WikiHow has step-by-step instructions on how to identify and remove stalkerware from your Android phone. If you have an iPhone, check out this list of common spyware symptoms and how to remove problematic apps.

We know this sounds like a lot of tedious tasks that may not make an impact. But digital hygiene has its benefits, both for your divorce proceedings and your mental health:

You gain the peace of mind that you’re keeping your personal data and life updates close, away from prying eyes. Remember, even if you and your spouse are separating amicably, you don’t want nosy in-laws poking around your business.

You can mentally and emotionally separate from your spouse. No more fretting about what they’re posting. No worries that they’ll see a private message you send to your best friend. No reminder of their name and activities while you’re trying to manage your life.

And as with any legal situation, it’s best to minimize the risk of any information getting to someone who doesn’t advocate for you. Play it close to the chest and don’t show your cards!

Speaking of advocates, Alexandra Geczi PLLC and our team of female lawyers is committed to helping our clients pursue divorce with a sense of empowerment rather than drama. Reach out today to schedule a discovery call.

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