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Navigating Divorce During the Holidays

Rachel Wayne

Modified from Photo by Paul Zoetemeijer on Unsplash

Getting Divorced in the Christmas Season? Holiday Coping Strategies for Self-Care and Co-Parenting

Whether you’re separating amicably or facing a bitter divorce, the holiday season often heightens emotions about the end of a marriage. Christmas movies and songs emphasize romance and togetherness — a triggering theme when you’re dealing with relationship loss. Divorce during holidays doesn’t jibe with what society wants us to focus on.

Holiday gatherings become stressful rather than restful. Your shared traditions with your ex-spouse are left in the cold. You face logistical challenges: who’s going where this year? Who has the kids? What’s the etiquette for sending Christmas cards or exchanging gifts with your former in-laws?

Navigating those decisions along with your emotional state is hard enough without the specter of Mariah Carey. But this season of rest and merriment can be your time to restore and celebrate yourself. Here’s how.

Goodbye, Hallmark: Unlearning the Christmas Romance

Christmas’ long, multicultural history truly makes it a uniquely appealing holiday. To some people, it’s about Jesus’ birth. To others, it’s the time to enjoy Yuletide traditions. And to still others, it’s a break from work and the daily grind. (Or all of the above!)

But Hallmark would have you believe that Christmas and New Year’s are all about romance — finding your special someone, rekindling old flames, and defeating all odds in love. Pop culture leans heavily into this magical season, urging you to set aside differences and celebrate your soulmate along with Jesus.

This can be unavoidable pressure when “All I Want for Christmas” and “Let It Snow” play everywhere you go while Hallmark and Netflix promote their latest holiday rom-coms. Even if it was your choice to pursue divorce, the Christmas romance culture is an unwelcome reminder of what you’ve left behind.

So, take this season to fall in love with the most important person in your life: yourself! Remember, the winter holidays were historically about resting after the harvest season and welcoming the sun’s return after long cold nights. Centuries-old traditions revolve around family gatherings, gift-giving, and delicious food — never romance. That changed in the mid-20th century when post-war pop culture began emphasizing the nuclear family. Now, companies know that love stories sell well, especially during the sentimental holidays.

But don’t let that fool you. Christmastime can be whatever you want it to be. Treat yourself to those magical winter activities: no love interest required.

Ho-Ho-No: How to RSVP to Holiday Events Involving Your Ex-Spouse

Recently separated or in the midst of divorce during the holiday season? Holiday gatherings are ripe for unwanted drama: invites from friends who don’t know you’ve split up. Insistence from in-laws that you both attend because “it’s Christmas.” Disagreement over who will have the kids for Christmas morning — especially if your custody agreement hasn’t happened yet.

Check out our recent article, “Holiday Co-Parenting and Custody Considerations” for some guidance. We discuss how to navigate Santa traditions with your ex-spouse and reduce conflict when both of you want quality Christmas time with your kids.

But as for those well-intentioned friends and overbearing in-laws, it’s time to gift yourself some boundaries.

Don’t be ashamed if you don’t feel comfortable co-attending your mutual friend’s annual holiday party. ’Tis the season to protect your peace.

Here are some things you could say:

It’s unfortunate to feel deprived or excluded during the holidays. Remember, the people who matter are those to whom you matter. And those people respect your boundaries and create a safe space for you.

This is a good time for us, as a legal team, to remind you to remain on your best behavior and abide by any custody agreements. The holidays tend to disrupt everyone’s schedules, but it’s critical to respect these arrangements. What seems like an exception now could be a problem when your next hearing arrives.

Not-So-Silent Nights: Staying Safe from Domestic Abuse During the Holidays

Remember how we said the holiday season heightens emotions? Unfortunately, that goes for anger and jealousy, too. Holiday stress can exacerbate contested divorces or domestic abuse situations.

Some research has found that domestic violence incident rates increase during the holiday season. Those numbers are often based on police reports or ER visits, so they likely don’t capture the full picture. Numbers aside, intimate partner violence often coincides with emotional and financial abuse — both of which may be triggered by the holidays’ emphasis on spending and gathering.

When navigating divorce in the holiday season, make sure you have a safety plan for leaving abusive situations. You may need contingencies for Christmas and New Year’s-related curveballs:

It’s always better to over-prepare, even if you feel you’re at a low risk of experiencing domestic violence. Divorce during the holiday season can reveal stressors you didn’t know existed.

You or a loved one can always contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or texting “START” to 88788.

Whatever your divorce situation looks like during the holidays, you deserve the peace this season is known for. Set firm boundaries, invest in your self-care, focus on giving your kids a wonderful Christmastime, and most of all: be prepared. Enlist your “elves” to help you plan safe, restful festive activities that protect your peace.

At Alexandra Geczi Family Law, we’re happy to join your team. Our minimal-conflict approach to divorce focuses on amicable separation and mediation, but we’re ready to brave the winter for those navigating tough situations. Reach out for a no-obligation discovery call to learn more.

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