Stay-at-home moms often fear divorce because they’re financially dependent on their spouse. Will leaving the marriage mean they can no longer provide for their kids? Can a SAHM keep custody? These concerns make the decision to divorce even harder. When one’s children are at stake, divorce can seem like both relief and risk.
Thankfully, SAHMs have options to keep custody of their kids — even if they’re not employed when they decide to divorce. Homemaking and child-raising are vital endeavors, and being a single mom is nothing to be ashamed of.
Let’s dive into how custody agreements and child support work in Texas. By understanding Texas family law, stay-at-home moms can seek divorce with more confidence and less stress.
Understand Texas custody basics
In Texas, custody is known as conservatorship. As a child’s conservator, you can make decisions about their health, education, and overall well-being. Parents instantly have these decision-making rights. However, conservatorship can be ended if a parent is deemed unfit, endangers the child, or it is not in the child’s best interest.
The goal of custody arrangements in divorce is to ensure the child is well taken care of, with the Texas family courts prioritizing the child’s best interests. This includes considerations about the choice of school and ensuring they have a stable home life. That said, the court isn’t as eager to sever parental rights as pop culture would suggest. Per Texas Family Code chapter 153, both parents should remain joint conservators unless there’s a significant reason not to. The law presumes that parents are generally fit to care for their child even after divorce. However, if there are concerns about a parent’s ability to care for their child, then the presumption may be rebutted, and the Court can adjust conservatorship accordingly.
Divorce parenting plans include decisions about custody, visitation, and child support. It’s important to find the right mix to meet the child’s best interests.
- Custody refers to conservatorship. While ex-spouses may have joint conservatorship and decision making rights, one parent may be the “custodial” parent, meaning they have the right to decide the child’s primary residence.
- Visitation refers to possession, usually for the non-custodial parent. This will typically happen on a pre-set schedule that minimizes disruption in the child’s life. Remember, the Texas family court strives to maintain consistency as much as possible.
- Child support is typically paid by the non-custodial parent. It’s based on their net financial resources (gross income, rental income, dividend income, etc.) and a percentage of their income is withdrawn for child support. The exact amount depends on the number of children and other factors, and there is a cap on how much can be allocated to child support.
These tools help maintain the child’s well-being after their parents separate. With this versatility, even if one parent hasn’t been working, they can find a new arrangement that benefits their kids.
In short, stay-at-home moms can absolutely show they’re able to provide for their children. The key is to set realistic expectations and document all the ways they already do so. After all, SAHMs are on the job 24/7!
Keep a record of each parent’s involvement
Stay-at-home moms are already in a great position to describe what their kids need every day, and Texas family courts are inclined to let SAHMs keep custody of their kids for that reason. Generally, one parent will become the primary caregiver, and as the courts like to maintain continuity, that’s usually the stay-at-home parent — even if they’ll be re-entering the workforce or need time to transition back into the workforce. The courts may find ways to provide additional support during the interim.
To prepare for custody decisions in a divorce case, SAHMs should begin documenting key details, such as:
- Daily responsibilities and logistics (e.g., who drops the kids off at school, who manages their extracurriculars, etc.)
- Regular activities with the kids (daily routines, bedtime rituals, weekend excursions, etc.)
- Health and nutrition management (who sets the medical appointments, who makes their meals, etc.
- How they communicate with the co-parent about the kids (it’s important to show efficiency and consistency here)
- Any concerns about the other parent’s behavior, (e.g. substance use, unstable or unsafe friends or paramours, absenteeism)
- Time that the other parent actually spends with the children
These records will be helpful for custody hearings — as well as the SAHM’s own peace of mind. They can provide clarity and reassurance when everything feels uncertain. Stay-at-home moms know what their kids want and need. Having it all written down helps them navigate their divorce journey with greater confidence.
TIP: In preparing for custody discussions, it is paramount to monitor how one speaks about their soon-to-be-ex — both to the kids and third parties. The same guidelines we cover in our “How to Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce” blog apply. Check it out.
Create a strategy for custody and child support discussions
The Texas family court will ultimately bundle the custody decisions and financial obligations they feel best serves the child in question. These provisions will be included in the Final Order for Dissolution of Marriage (Final Decree of Divorce). (For separating couples who were not married, decisions about the kids are handled in a Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship, or SAPCR.)
While the court has the final say, the stay-at-home mom can and should plan for success. Getting proactive makes it easier to find a sustainable arrangement that works best for the child. Often, this means having the SAHM keep custody — especially when she comes to the hearing armed with facts. Preparation is often the best strategy for stay-at-home moms worried about losing custody of their children.
Here are some key factors to consider:
- The children’s location and schedules: As they will live with the custodial parent, their primary residence is ideally near their school — especially if it’s the middle of the academic year.
- Who manages the family home: This is typically the SAHM, so even if they don’t own the house alone, the court may grant it to them when determining the separation of marital property. Learn more about how community property is divided when one spouse doesn’t work.
- Work commitments and availability: Even with spousal maintenance and/or child support, SAHMs will likely need to return to the workforce. Consider which opportunities would align with having primary custody of the kids.
- Financial and material resources to care for the children: SAHMs already excel at keeping the house stocked, planning meals, and otherwise managing domestic resources. Consider how any child support or alimony would complement these efforts. (And be sure to check out Part I of this blog about finances, retirement, and alimony.)
When stay-at-home moms come prepared, they show the court they’re ready to transition into a single-parent household that preserves their child’s well-being. This resonates with family law judges, as their primary goal is to maintain continuity in children’s lives.
Need legal help in navigating custody and child support decisions as a stay-at-home mom? Alexandra Geczi PLLC Family Law specializes in empowering women who have been financially dependent on their spouse. One doesn’t have to choose between an unhealthy marriage and their kids. We can help SAHMs create their strategy for seeking primary custody of their children and launching their independent household. Reach out to schedule a discovery call.